My other ramblings on Linkedin

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6573664603824279552 small cal profitability

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6563520282215137280 BATF changes

I’m trying to work on my writing skills to be a better communicator and establish myself as a key Subject Matter Expert (SME) in the DOD Ammunition arena. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Jay

Jay - I am not qualified to comment on the content of the treatise on selling small caliber ammunition to the government. However, and please don’t be offended, you need a proof-reader to eliminate many typographical errors. Also, and this may not be a valid criticism as perhaps they are all well understood by those that would receive this material, there are a lot of abbreviations that are not identified as to their full meaning anywhere in the article, that I could notice. Again, if this is all standard stuff to the intended audience, than ignore this comment. We all use abbreviations that are common to our hobby in stuff we write, but even then, sometimes “newcomers” don’t know what they mean.

Regarding the proof reading, to find spelling errors (in one case, in the second article which I also read, on profitability, there is an unfinished sentence), typographical errors and the like, I have used the good offices of friends far more literate than I, as well as my wife, who knew little or nothing about the subject matter I was writing on, but was a well-educated lady and excellent at catching my errors in spelling and typing, sometimes too excellent :-) and done with apparent great pleasure. :-(

I see nothing to complain about with your formatting, and general writing style. It is better than mine, by far, I think.

If these were drafts, and not finished articles, ignore everything I have said. My finished work, after being checked over several times (sometimes dozens of times) often don’t even resemble my first draft, other than subject matter.

John

Jay, I’ve read the first article you posted above and I’d say it is pretty good. I think it makes your points without getting off-topic.

I have two suggestions: First, there are several typos. I would suggest an app called Grammarly (https://www.grammarly.com/) to help with that. Second, as an engineer, I would like to see a bit more data. For example, is there any data on % of small businesses that get any kind of military contract (ammo or other)?

John - no offense taken. Thank you. My biggest failure as a proposal writer is I cannot proof my own stuff. I my head it was perfect the first time and if it did not get to paper correctly, oh well.

Larry - Thanks for the recommendation of the website. Data - I only pretend to be an engineer. Data is hard to come by and always needs to be checked.

Thanks

Jay

Jay, I admit “my name is Larry and I am a dataholic.” :-)

Another option for proofing your work is to hire a freelance proofreader on a site such as upwork.com, freelancer.com or fiverr.com. It would probably cost about $10 give or take for the article you wrote. Of course, this could add up if you are planning to do a significant amount of writing. It will also take some time, obviously (and probably more so for the better rated proofreaders, since they will have a backlog).

Grammarly will catch probably 98% of the typos and grammar errors, though, for free. However, there are times when it doesn’t quite work right (which may be obvious when it recommends something that doesn’t make sense).

I also wanted to say that I like the name you chose for the fictitious LLC: “SAD”

Larry - Yes! I have used Freelancer for things in the past - New MAST logo and 25 year anniversary crest, Autocad, etc. One concern is ITAR. Grammarly sounds like an improvement.

Thanks for connecting on Linkedin. Please leave comments on the other articles for increased traffic!

Yes and thanks, SAD LLC was meant to get a chuckle. I was trying to make INSANE work International Network of Smallcal Ammunition N??? Enterprises. Delusional was a thought or CRAZY.

I just went back and edited the article with Grammarly. AWESOME!!!

THANK YOU LARRY!

Jay, I’ll check out your other articles and leave comments. Looking forward to seeing more articles!

Glad Grammarly worked well for you.

I’ve taken a couple of writing courses from a marketing guy named John Carlton. I enjoy writing, but I know many people don’t. His courses are geared toward those that don’t really like to write. If you are able to put in the time and effort they are top notch. And they apply to pretty much anything other than technical reports for research journals. Note: I have no affiliation with John Carlton. I just find his teaching style (brutally) helpful and entertaining. https://www.john-carlton.com/